Thoughts on Courtship: Part 1

Over the next few days I will be posting some thoughts on courtship, including two reviews of books that greatly shaped my views on dating and courtship. The word "courtship" could bring to mind all sorts of concepts and ideas, but for the sake of the following posts, my definition of courtship is simply getting to know someone with the primary intention of determining whether or not this person is the one God has for you to marry.

Today and tomorrow I will be posting my book reviews for I Kissed Dating Goodbye and Boy Meets Girl by Joshua Harris. I read and reviewed both of these books in mid-2005, during a season in which God was really shaping and refining my views on dating and courtship (as well as many other areas!). On Thursday, I plan to conclude this "series" with my personal thoughts on courtship and why I have chosen to travel this different path to the altar (Lord willing) instead of our culture's method of dating. I will also include a list of the books I recommend that encourage Christians to glorify God through their pursuit of marriage.

First, I'd like to preface the following posts by saying that I do not want to come across as legalistic about courting vs. dating. I do not believe that the term "courting" is any more holy than the term "dating". My main purpose in writing this is to encourage you to join me in pursuing marriage in a way that glorifies God. Exactly how God would have you do that is for you to pray about, discuss with your family, and seek His will for you personally.


I Kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris
Reviewed in 2005

I Kissed Dating Goodbye is a book about the negative effects of the dating mentality in our culture. The author draws a parallel between playing the dating game and eating at a fast food restaurant. While it's not wrong to eat at a fast food restaurant, something far greater is available.

When one uses their single years to engage in many relationships, they do themselves a disservice by robbing themselves of the few set apart years God has given for service to others and preparing for their futures. Also, the author wisely points out that our generation's dating relationships do very little to prepare for marriage, but are actually a training ground for divorce. If one is accustomed to moving on whenever a relationship loses its excitement or when a boyfriend/girlfriend doesn't add up to one's expectations, how will marriage change that mindset? As Harris points out, "It seems that dating as we have come to know it doesn't really prepare us for marriage; instead it can be a training ground for divorce. We cannot practice life-long commitment in a series of short-term relationships."

This book teaches that by choosing not to engage in short-term dating relationships, one's relationship with God can be strengthened as they wait on His plan to unfold and learn to trust Him. Also emphasized throughout this book is the fact that, we, as humans, want what we want right now, but the right thing at the wrong time is the wrong thing. We can't "fast forward" through our lives and miss the important seasons God intends to use to teach and mature us in. Each season builds upon the one preceding it. Harris remarks that "as a fruit picked green or a flower picked before it blossoms, our attempts to rush God's timing can spoil the beauty of His plan for our lives." This book encourages us to lay our futures in His hands and trust Him as we wait.

Other subjects covered are: how to make the most of your single years, how Jesus can forgive and restore after a sinful past, how to have uplifting relationships with the opposite sex, observing important character traits in a future potential spouse and cultivating the traits in our own lives, and how to have a biblical and realistic view of marriage (among many other topics).

I highly recommend this book! A much more in depth summary can be found here.