Courtship Journal Entries: Part Two

October 2009

October 6, 2009

Today marks one month since this amazing man stumbled upon my blog through a Google search. What a month it has been! The ball is once again in his court and we are waiting on an email from him with his address in England so we can send him some resources that have shaped our family's convictions. As always, I am fearful that he has moved on or decided I'm not worth all of this seemingly endless process. At times it feels like a business transaction. Lord, once again, please give me Your peace that transcends all understanding! Please help me to accept Your will. Most of all, I beg You to make Your will incredibly clear to Stephen, my parents, and me. Thank you for Your faithfulness in every way. Thank You for the encouragement I am gleaning through the hope in Your Word.

October 7, 2009

He emailed Daddy last night! It was a good email. I checked my parents' email immediately after I woke up in the morning (Looking back, I think I read all of Stephen's emails written to my dad before my dad actually did!) and after Mama also read his email, she immediately remarked, "I like this boy!" I like him too. Oh, how I like him! We sent him Focus on the Family's "The Truth Project" DVD series in the mail today, along with many freshly baked chocolate chip cookies. Never have I followed a recipe so carefully! I hope they make it to England in one piece and still fairly fresh. How I long to know God's will! How amazing if he is the man for me!

Very few people know anything. My dear friends Elizabeth and Marie have been so sweet and encouraging. They are like precious older sisters to me.

October 18, 2009

We just got home after a fun, family evening to see Third Day in concert. As always, it was a spiritually refreshing night and enjoyable time with the family. I left marveling at God's work. Could it really be? The cross of Jesus Christ-- His redeeming work in two young lives-- with totally different backgrounds, families, friends, from different parts of the country-- a small town farm girl who chose not to go to college and a truly brilliant man with a huge, exciting future-- joined together wholly and completely because of Jesus Christ? I pray He will give me the strength to endure it if it is not His will, but if it is His doing and He is truly setting the stage for this better than fairy tale love story that gives Him all the glory-- I can't praise Him enough!

Courtship Journal Entries: Part One

I really want for our story to glorify God by being one of encouragement to others still clinging tightly to their faith in God to bring their future spouse into their lives. I am, to an extent, vulnerably sacrificing some of the privacy and preciousness of the memories recorded in my journaling so that others may be encouraged and find hope as they too walk a similar path. Over the upcoming days, I will be posting a selection of my edited journal entries from the past six and a half months, as well as a few side notes to shed light on my thoughts and intentions which were not made clear through my writing. I pray that the following journal selections may bless and encourage!

September 2009

September 12, 2009

It's not been quite a week since I received an email from this Stephen. I'm so impressed. A young man with vision. He's so far beyond me. How I long to pour out my life serving a man of vision. I'm still in total shock that I am corresponding with such an accomplished young man... a man who is doing something great with his life. I'm beyond impressed with every word I read in the emails and many articles I've found about him and his many accomplishments.

Lord, what do I do? I want to continue to correspond and get to know him better, but I question if that is appropriate or not. Lord, please give me an opportunity to pour my heart out to Mama and seek her advice. Help me to be willing to accept Your will and timing, remembering that it is only in You that I'll find fulfillment or satisfaction, not in marriage. Lord, please still my racing heart. I pray You'll give me a man of vision like this one.

**It is worth noting that, of course, it is very dangerous to meet random guys online and that added to the reasons I felt it was important to have my family involved in this new friendship. Also, my family would have been much more hesitant about Stephen if it weren't for the fact that his past and accomplishments were well-documented in articles online.**

September 14, 2009

I'm completely blown away and in a constant state of shock any more. Yesterday, while Mama delivered the Raleigh milk and everyone else was at church, I told her all of the details of Stephen. I had mentally prepared myself to be "set straight" by her words of admonition, but was surprised at her excitement. She was equally befuddled at Stephen's request to "get to know me better", as stated in his most recent email, so she suggested I tell Daddy, Elliott, and Oliver the story on our way home later that afternoon. I did that-- telling as many details as I could remember about this amazing young man-- and Daddy agreed with my thought to tell Stephen-- even though it would seem extremely presumptuous-- that I felt it would be best for him to contact Daddy if he wanted to get to know me better. I don't want to waste my time or get my hopes up even further if this isn't going anywhere.

Yesterday evening, I nervously typed that email and prayed as I hit the "send" button. Today I'm in NC doing bushhogging work, and all day as I've sat in the tractor cab, I've been overwhelmed with thoughts about this situation. He could truly have any girl he wants. Will he even write back? This morning, my Bible literally fell open to Psalm 62, where I had previously highlighted this comforting verse:

"I wait quietly before God, for my hope is in Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress where I will not be shaken." Psalm 62: 5-6

Later that Evening

After my day of bushhogging, I headed into town to run some errands and-- of course!-- check my email in a nearby hotel's lobby. I called Mama on the phone and asked if she had received any email from Stephen and she said no, but she had been excitedly checking her email all day long. My heart sunk. I reassured myself that he didn't have to write back on this very first day and maybe an email was still coming... or maybe not. Before I logged off and left, I checked Mama's email one more time-- just in case. I was overjoyed to see he had just sent an email a few minutes before! The email was amazing. He is amazing. I was so nervous I was even shaking as I read his words. I feel so inadequate for such a man. I can't believe he actually wrote my dad.

While my heart is beyond happy, I am terrified of getting it crushed. I am beyond hopeful, but very sober. I tell myself that if he isn't the man for me, the Lord will send someone even better along. How someone could be any better I can't even fathom. Is it possible that my very last "how much longer must I wait?" has already passed?

September 16, 2009

Stephen-- oh, one day could he be my Stephen? Stephen and Meredith? I know it's way too soon to know anything, but when I pray about him today I have a real peace in my heart as I rest in God's will.

September 19, 2009

I hate waiting. This week has been an emotional roller coaster-- great excitement, caution, slight discouragement. I'd give anything to just know-- yes or no? Is he the man for me or is he not? If it's a no, I'd like to go ahead and move on before my heart becomes all the more hopeful. I can barely fathom the excitement if it's a yes. Right now, it's all on the line. In his last email to me before I "turned him over to Daddy", he wrote that I'm "one of the most amazing women he's ever come across" and my future husband is going to be "an incredibly lucky guy", and in his letter to Daddy, he wrote that I possess an "uncommon virtue", which is a "prize beyond measure." My heart is so happy even writing that. I dwell on these sweet words. But am I, in his opinion, worth pursuing as his wife? Even though he's yet to even meet me? Am I worth going through my father's questions-- which I am sure is a new and odd concept to him? Time will tell. Will I know a week from now or six months from now? I try to remind myself of all the scripture I can find on waiting on the Lord, and I continue to attempt to comfort myself with the thought that someone else will come along if Stephen is not the right one. I can't imagine someone better though.

September 20, 2009

Daddy's first email in response to Stephen, which will likely define where we're going with all of this was prayerfully sent just two hours ago. I read it before it was sent and felt it was well-written and concise. If he intends to pursue me, he will call Daddy. I feel very good about everything. I'm eager to see what happens. If we never hear another word from this young man, I will try to muster up the confidence that someone better suited for me actually exists. Mama and I discussed it this afternoon and she told me all of the reasons why she thinks I'd be so well suited for Stephen. Lord, please make your will clear for me, Stephen, my family.

Chelsea emailed me earlier with the exciting news that Frank proposed to her yesterday! I have a great, true excitement for her because my hope is strong and elsewhere. Years ago, we talked about "Summer 2010 weddings". Could it really happen as we had hoped???

September 21, 2009

Nothing yet. I am wondering. Hoping. Praying. Excited. Anxious. Waiting.

September 22, 2009

I feared that if he emailed Daddy it would be his tactful way of telling Daddy that he was not interesting in calling because he had no intention to "pursue" me. Discouraged that he hadn't called, I checked my parents' email. My heart sunk when I saw an email from him. What a shock when I opened it and read that he had flown to Connecticut for the weekend to give his testimony at a church there. He did plan to call Daddy and asked when the best time would be! He included his testimony-- the most amazing testimony I've ever read-- absolutely all the more unbelievable that he is corresponding with my father. It sounded like it was from a book about a great Christian man of centuries past. Oh Lord, I am so undeserving of this godly man. Lord, if he is the man for me, make me worthy! How exciting this is!

September 23, 2009

He called Daddy and they talked for 1 hour and 15 minutes. I have yet to hear even one detail of their conversation, and I am so eager. The excitement grows every day and I have such a peace. I am totally in awe, as if this is not really happening. Oh Lord, please make me willing to surrender Stephen to You if he is not Your will for me. Oh how I long for this to be Your will! What a beautiful story it seems You are writing. I am so undeserving.

September 24, 2009

The phone call seems to have gone fine, but I don't know much. Is Daddy going to email him with more questions now? Are they just praying about it for a while? Daddy never breathes a word about it, as if it is not even happening. I have a nagging fear that Stephen will wake up one morning and realize what he has done. Why would he call the father of a girl he has never met or spoken to? Won't he realize soon enough that he deserves so much more than me? I wonder if he'll lose interest in me once he gets to England? I just have to trust that the One who has orchestrated this story thus far will carry it on to completion if that is His will and I must find my confidence and fulfillment in Him alone. If Stephen is the man for me, I feel so unworthy and as if God is smiling down on me, rewarding me for waiting so long for my love story to unfold and giving me a man so far beyond me.

September 29, 2009

Silence. Last week seemed to be brimming with hope and excitement and this week has, thus far, simply been quiet. I could forget that all of this is even happening if it weren't for my raging inner battle-- great hope and excitement for a while, then discouragement at the thought of him losing interest, then quiet peace amidst the storm, knowing God is in control of every detail. As far as I know, he left for England this past weekend. It is my understanding that Daddy will be emailing him within another week. I suppose his response will be the true test. He very well may have moved on by then. I strongly dislike waiting! I am hopeful and prayerful that the Lord will make His will clear for all of us in a timely fashion! I wrote Stephen a letter last night.... Only to be opened if, indeed, I am the luckiest and most blessed wife in the world one day.

September 30, 2009

The Lord encouraged me this morning with the following verse:

"Since ancient times no one has heard, no ear has perceived, no eye has seen any God besides You, who acts on behalf of those who wait for Him." Isaiah 64:4

Another translation reads, "No mind has even conceived what God has prepared for them!" Perhaps this is talking about eternity or something larger than marriage, but I found comfort and confidence in this verse. If we never hear one more word from Stephen, the Lord must have something "better" in store, and although I can't grasp the idea of anyone better, I'm sure the Lord would see me through that terrible heart crushing and teach me a lot about His faithfulness.

Our Engagement Story

Unbeknownst to me, during the weeks preceding Stephen's last visit, he had been secretly corresponding with my parents, perfectly planning every detail of our engagement by asking permission to propose, getting my ring size, arranging a short trip to Washington D.C. to purchase my ring before he arrived in Virginia, and making reservations for our dinner at an extremely fancy restaurant.

I thought it was a very unexpected and wonderful treat when I learned that Stephen was taking me to Monticello on the first day of his visit. The hour and a half drive to the plantation was blissfully spent simply talking to the man I adore so much!

When we arrived at Monticello, we strolled the grounds and toured the house before Stephen led me to a quiet wooded area far behind Monticello overlooking the town and mountains in the distance. It seemed strange when Stephen told me to put down the camera I had been carrying around, but before I had much time to think about his request, he got down on one knee!

I was so shocked that he was proposing. He told me the sweetest things my ears have ever heard and asked me to marry him! He later had to tell me what he said again because at the time of his proposal I was so happy that I couldn't even fully enjoy his precious words to me. The moment was far too special to even attempt to share here.

My ring is absolutely stunning. I have never seen a diamond that sparkles so much. We had not even discussed engagement rings, so I was so surprised and thrilled when I saw that he bought the exact classic, traditional ring I have always wanted! Everything he does for me is top-notch. He makes me feel so treasured.

Stephen had made dinner reservations for us at The Old Mill Room at The Boar's Head Inn. We were seated at the romantic table near the fire. It was the nicest restaurant I have ever been to and will be a memory I treasure forever.

Later that evening, we were greeted by a multitude of balloons and a very happy family welcoming us home!

"Since ancient times no one has heard, no ear has perceived, no eye has seen any God besides You, who acts on behalf of those who wait for Him." Isaiah 64:4

Our Courtship Story of God's Faithfulness

When I began this blog in 2007, its three primary purposes were to encourage younger girls seeking to also serve their families at home, to give the reader an idea of the hopes and desires of an at-home daughter, and to journal the events and instances of God's faithfulness in my life so that I could one day look back and recall how the Lord orchestrated every detail as He scripted the story of my life.

I have eagerly awaited the day when I could share this story of God's great faithfulness, as has been so evident in my courtship and now engagement to my fiancé, Stephen. I am so thrilled to share this exciting story of God's work in His bringing the most wonderful man in the world to me!

It is my prayer that our story will serve as an encouragement to others who may be traveling a similar path or may also be clinging tightly to the hope of the Lord's faithfulness in their life.

The following is an extremely condensed version of the past six and a half months. Behind every sentence, there is so much more information that is not present here. In the future, I plan to post select journal entries that delve deeper into the story.

In early September, I received an email from a reader of this blog who, I later learned, stumbled upon my blog through a fairly random Google search. He wrote about how he was struck by my life choices in regard to living at home and desiring to be a homemaker instead of pursuing our culture's more typical path of a college degree and full-time career.

During a week of emailing, I had the thought to Google his name to make sure his story added up and to possibly learn more about him. As I came upon article after article expounding on this young man's exemplary character and impressive accomplishments, I became very hopeful that the Lord may be causing him to find the slightest interest in me!

While I was enjoying getting to know him, and through his emails it became evident that he most likely was interested in me, I felt it was unwise to continue unsupervised correspondence with a young man I met online. I asked my family for their thoughts regarding this situation and decided to email Stephen telling him that I would like to get to know him better, but only with my family's guidance and approval. I was not interested in carrying on a long-term guy/girl friendship with him and felt it was important for our relationship to be intentional.

I was pretty certain that he would think I was extremely presumptuous and archaic and I would never hear another word from him! I was shocked and thrilled when I read the email he sent my father the following night! I was so amazed and felt so undeserving of this godly, amazing, and brilliant man's interest.

Over the following four months, Stephen and my father corresponded over the telephone and email, discussing Stephen's walk with the Lord and convictions that are of importance to our family. As I continued to read Stephen's letters that were sent to my father (I checked my parents' email address so often that I usually read Stephen's emails before my parents did!) and his incredible testimony of God's saving grace in his life, I began to desire more and more that the Lord would cause him to be the man for me.

At times this felt like an unbearably long wait. I was so eager to know what the Lord's will would be and struggled to maintain an open hand, willing to let go of Stephen if the Lord should close the door for a future relationship with him.

Finally, in early January, Stephen flew from England (where he is studying) to Virginia to meet my family and me. This was when our courtship really began to progress. We spent a week seeking the Lord's will and getting to know each other better.

I can't really even begin to describe how impressed I was! We began to have a great peace about our future and my father gave Stephen his full approval for pursuing marriage.
Over the following two months, our relationship grew much deeper and our hearts became closely knit as we corresponded nearly every day, discussing our hopes, convictions, struggles, daily happenings, and much, much more. My love and respect for Stephen grew abundantly and rapidly. I was so eager for his next visit.

In mid-March (last week!), Stephen flew back to Virginia to spend another week with my family and me. It was the most perfect, wonderful week! On Monday, March 15, 2010, Stephen took me on a lovely trip to Monticello (Thomas Jefferson's plantation). After we toured the home and strolled the grounds, Stephen led me to a peaceful wooded sitting area, got down on one knee, and asked me to marry him! We are so excited about our future serving the Lord together.
God used His means to bring His man into my life in His timing. All glory goes entirely to the Lord.

Contrary to what many advised as necessary, I did not have to put myself out there or date an endless string of guys to get the man the Lord had already chosen for me. I simply had to live the life to which the Lord had called me.

My somewhat counter-cultural life as a twenty-two year old living at home, striving to serve her family, and preparing to be a wife and mother is the very thing that Stephen says first attracted him to me.

The Lord has answered my prayers for a godly husband with a man so much greater than I ever could have imagined. I am not marrying the "man of my dreams"-- my dreams were nothing compared to what God had in store for me!

It is so evident that the Lord has been preparing both of us for each other for many years, shaping each of us into the one who perfectly suits and complements the other. Our vision and hopes for the future correspond beautifully.

I am so blessed to be marrying a man with a desire for us to carry out our biblical roles in our future home. He encourages me and is proud that I want to be a homemaker and helper to him and a dedicated mother to our children. I could not possibly be any more proud to be the girl at his side. I can't wait to be his wife!

Stephen prays the sweetest prayers over us and will be such a wonderful spiritual leader for our future family. We both pray that the Lord will use us mightily as a couple; that we may be a Jonathan and Sarah Edwards of our generation. I pray nearly daily that the Lord will mold me into an excellent wife for such a godly man. "Not to us, O Lord, not to us, but to Your name be the glory, because of Your love and faithfulness." Psalm 115:1

I will write about Stephen's perfectly planned proposal and my absolutely gorgeous ring soon!

Engaged!

I am engaged to the most amazing man in the world. Words can't even begin to express how happy I am! I hope to post the full story soon.

"O Lord, You are my God; I will exalt You and praise Your name, for in perfect faithfulness You have done marvelous things, things planned long ago." Isaiah 25:1

This Past Week

This past week has been so busy and productive. I have been baking cheesecakes for the restaurant, pulling together 2010's first marketing postcard for our tractor service clients, contacting previous clients, running a lot of errands, and preparing for an exciting week ahead. Also, I am in my final course of Wilton cake decorating classes and took two classes this week so I could skip next week's class. All of this is in addition to the normal daily housekeeping and cooking responsibilities and schooling of Sullivan and Harrison. At times I have felt so incredibly overwhelmed, but I have asked the Lord for the strength to make it through all of the many tasks of each day and He has blessed me so much. I have completed every item on my list each day this past week. Even my six cheesecakes for the restaurant turned out beautifully-- amazingly without even one crack-- so I am confident the Lord has been blessing my efforts!Last night my family went to a great Phillips, Craig, & Dean concert. We have listened to their music for a very long time but this was the first concert we attended. It was a very worshipful time and a fun, family evening. I spent today giving the house a deep cleaning, preparing some food for this upcoming week, and even had time to watch some of the ACC Tournament games.

I hope everyone has a wonderful week ahead!

In the Kitchen

Freshly Ground Whole Wheat Muffins (today's chocolate chip muffins)

These muffins are a lunch time favorite around our house. I adapt the recipe to include either blueberries, chocolate chips, or bananas and walnuts so we always have a good variety.

2 1/4 cups freshly milled wheat flour
1 tsp. salt, 1 tsp. baking soda, 1 tsp. baking powder
1 c. milk or buttermilk
1 egg
1/2 c. olive oil
1/2 c. honey

Measure dry ingredients into mixing bowl. Add liquids and mix until well blended. Drop by spoonfuls into greased 12 cup muffin pan. Bake at 400 degrees for 15 minutes.

Homemade Apple Pie This was my first attempt at a homemade apple pie. I plan to make another very soon. I used the recipe from my vintage 1953 edition Red Plaid Cook Book by Better Homes and Gardens.

Happy Birthday Elliott

Today is Elliott's 19th birthday! Our family celebrated by going out to dinner.Please read "A Tribute to a Young Man with Vision" to learn more about my hardworking, diligent brother. I love you Elliott!

Lovely Saturday

Today has been a gloriously beautiful day! It felt like spring. This morning I finished the weekly big house cleaning that I began yesterday morning and made chocolate chip muffins for lunch. After lunch, Oliver and I went to work out at the gym. It was even nice enough outdoors to drive home with the windows down. I spent the remainder of the afternoon writing an old fashioned letter to a friend and baking chocolate chip cookies with sweet Sheridan. The evening was spent talking to a friend and watching the final Duke vs. UNC game for the regular season, in which Duke dominated the entire game and won 82-50! I am hopeful they will be a #1 seed next week when the brackets for the NCAA Tournament are announced.

Tomorrow morning we will continue in our church-shopping hunt (due to the difficult distance and decreasing interest for our farm products in the Raleigh area, we had to leave our former church several months ago and are in the process of finding a new church locally) and spend the afternoon enjoying the rest and relaxation of a Sunday. I hope to make an apple pie, read, and pull together my thoughts and plans for the upcoming week.

I hope everyone has a wonderful Lord's Day!

Fighting the Good Fight

This wonderful blog entry from Where Your Treasure Is brought me so much encouragement as I read it earlier, so I wanted to share it here as well:

"Overcast and snow......." We have heard that weather report often lately. Colorado's usually abundant sunshine (even in winter), has gone missing quite often this year And with the over- cast days have come more snow and from there more mud! (At least out where we live) You can't have it all can you? country life comes with all its ups and downs, and we certainly can always use the moisture, but needless to say overcast, snowy, muddy winter days, sometimes leave me wrestling with cabin fever and what I call the "winter blues". Do you ever feel that way? Or perhaps you might struggle in other ways. It may be with something you have heard; you turn on the news and of course its always bad or maybe someone has said something about you and it really gets to you. I wrestle with those things. I may struggle with being over-whelmed with too much on my plate and I feel at a loss as to where to even begin, and feel completely inadequate to begin it. I've come to the conclusion that all these things are part of the battle that we are to fight while here on this earth and all these things have a common thread and a common voice.

I was reading the story of David and Goliath again the other day, and when I was reading what Goliath said to the army of Israel and to David, I thought I recognized his voice. I had been hearing things just like that. I realized it was nothing more than the voice of Satan. He says the same things over and over again just like he has been since he first started talking to Eve. He taunts and he mocks and he bates you and tries to get you to either freeze up in fear, or over react and blow your testimony.

But I love how David reacts to him and this very same feeling rises up in me when I finally get a clue as to who is speaking to my mind; "righteous indignation". Is the world telling you you are worthless, you are foolish, you are a failure, you ought to have something more to show for yourself. Or perhaps in spite of all you have offered or accomplished, you are being criticized and condemned. You can know it is nothing more than Goliath/Satan speaking.

When I was going to bed the night I had read this story, I kept hearing; "Five Smooth Stones" in my head. It intrigued me. I have been rolling it around for the last couple of days. David of course picked up 5 smooth stones from the river and placed them in his pouch (I Sam 17:40).
It appears that he only needed one of them to kill Goliath, but he had five. I was thinking his one stone and his Faith in God and his action upon those two things were what brought that enemy down.

I have a little recipe that I resort to that helps me rid myself of the "Winter Blues" Or the onslaught of any kind of oppresson; I think I will call them my "five smooth stones". It is what I do and it always works. Maybe it will inspire some one else.

1. Encourage yourself in the Lord

David went through times of depression, but he encouraged himself in the Lord and fought his way out by speaking to his downcast spirit saying: "why are you downcast oh my soul....." "hope in God, for I shall again praise Him" Psalm 42:11, Psalm 43:5

2. Speak, proclaim, and pray the word of God

Ephesians 6:10-18 Teaches us that we don't wrestle with flesh and blood, but with spiritual forces of wickedness; we are to put on the full armor of God; our offensive weapon in that list of armor is the "Sword of the Spirit", which is the Word of God. I think too often we are not aware of the true power of coming into agreement with what our Lord has said through His word and in faith taking a hold of those promises. When we, as redeemed Christians, speak them in response to oppression, we have taken authority over that oppression and it will leave. We shut the door to the negative thoughts and feelings and open the door to the positive power of God.

3. Pray the blood of Jesus over your mind and body

In Exodus, the blood of the lamb was sprinkled over the door posts of the house to protect the children of Israel from the curse that was about to befall Egypt. The blood of the lamb was also sprinkled as an offering for atonement for sins. The blood of our Lord Jesus was given on our behalf, as an offering for our sins and as an offering against the curse of a fallen earth. Revelation 12:11 tells us that in the last days those who over came, overcame by the blood of the lamb and the word of their testimony. Often times Steve and I will have communion together when we are experiencing a struggle(We do this for other reasons as well). Corinthians tells us when we take communion we proclaim the Lords death (his blood his resurrection) and the power of it until He comes. This is a testimony of the authority our Lord has given us over darkness, and is a battle He won for us at the price of His life and blood.

4. Resist

James 4:7 says to resist the devil and he will flee from you. Quite often when I have discouraging thoughts or am bombarded with feelings of fear, rejection or insignificance, I simply say "Satan I resist you in the name of Jesus" and those things will lift.

5. Stand Firm....on the promises of God

Ephesians 6 says..." after having done everything to stand, stand... " I have had times in my life when I have prayed and fought in some very, very difficult battles, and at that moment it didn't appear as if the Lord had heard; everything seemed to get worse; but I remember encouraging myself in the Lord and saying even though I can't understand what is going on, I know the Lord is faithful. I continued to stand and speak of the Lords faithfulness. He loves when we do that, and in those moments, our faith is released and the power of God is released also. I can look back on those times now and be in awe at how faithful our Father is. Those moments when I could have allowed myself to think that I had been forsaken, or forgotten by God were moments He was actually at work, but the fruit of it had not manifested yet. In His time we have always been able to see the victory and joy He has for us.

New Toile Wallpaper

Earlier this week, I received a lovely gift and wonderful addition to my hope chest collection. My dear friend, Apphia, found these twelve cream and burgundy toile wallpaper rolls at a yard sale and sent them to me! I have inherited my mom's love for toile prints and look forward to finding a great use for this beautiful wallpaper one day.

Apphia and her sweet sisters recently posted a fascinating tutorial on decorating bulletin boards at their Marie Madeline Studio blog. Their business, website, and blog are all incredibly inspiring so I encourage you to take a look.

Regarding My Previous Post

I want to thank everyone who kindly shared their encouragement and wisdom in the comments section of the previous post. After reading your thoughts, I came away so inspired and with a renewed confidence for enthusiastically and unashamedly sharing my calling of a homemaker-in-training with those who may inquire. With the Lord's strength, I am purposing to move beyond my pride in this area with the realization that my walk as a Christian will continually be filled with other difficult questions to answer, as many of you mentioned in your comments, and I need not have shame in the calling the Lord has given me! Thank you so much for sharing.

My Ever-Changing Answers to the Most Dreaded Question

While I love my life and feel so fortunate to have the opportunity to live at home and prepare for my future as a wife and mother, one thing I really do not enjoy is inevitable inquiries as to what I do (i.e. college? career?). I tend to pull together a different answer for everyone who asks. While I feel confident that I'm where I have been called to be, and I so thoroughly enjoy the pursuit of homemaking and modeling my life after the biblical woman of Proverbs 31, it is very difficult for me to confidently articulate my goals and plans when the recipient is usually visibly taken aback by my choice to not pursue the more typical, well-worn path of a college degree or a career.

The following are my typical three alternating responses to the "Where do you go to college?"/"What do you do?" questions:

Answer #1: Mustering up a lot of confidence, I answer that I didn't go to college because I work for my family's farm. Of course, working on a farm, gutting chickens, milking cows, and driving tractors does not sound impressive at all. I hate to give the impression that I am a country hick who had no other opportunities for her future except working on her family's farm, nor do I want to give the appearance that I blindly followed along a path laid out for me without giving any thought to my options. Furthermore, I am not really a "farm girl" who was raised in this setting. I realize this may mostly be a pride issue though.

Answer #2: I have occasionally answered that I didn't pursue college because I am a "stay at home daughter", diving into an explanation of why I feel that my home, with my family, is a superior training ground for my future as a wife and mother, but naturally, this answer gets some really strange looks. Even many godly Christian women don't see the need for spending the single years of one's life in preparation to just be a wife and mother. Also, when someone asks the simple question of where I go to college they aren't looking for a speech about my future goals and desires for a family. While my "stay-at-home daughter" answer is entirely true, I dislike that people seem to perceive this as free-loading at home with no ambition whatsoever. It is not difficult to imagine why people would assume that a twenty-something girl who lives at home, does not pursue higher education, and does not have a full-time job is wasting her time when so many of our generation are visionless and directionless. Why would I want to identify with them?

Answer #3: My most popular response over the past nearly four years since graduating from high school has been my easy fall-back answer. I can confidently go into a fairly impressive spiel about being a real estate broker, working with real estate investments, flipping properties, etc., which is all completely true and never fails to get the approval and often even admiration of the listener. However, I get tired of using that excuse since I don't work in real estate full-time and it doesn't really define me or my goals for my future. I am not a career woman, nor do I desire to be one, so why should I have to talk like one to gain others' approval?

I know I shouldn't care so much about how people may perceive me, or feel like I need to invent a tailored answer for each person. Ultimately, this all comes down to my struggle with wanting the approval of man, which needs to be overcome, but I do wish there was a way to confidently articulate what I believe is my calling.

In my heart, I haven't the slightest bit of shame in my choice. I have absolutely no regret that I am not graduating from college this spring with my peers. So why do I so greatly struggle to articulate the value of my calling? Is this really just a pride issue through and through? Does anyone have any wisdom regarding this situation? I know that this question is one all single girls and young wives who do not have a career or college education must decipher. Do we just bide our time until we have our first child and can finally be stamped with the more socially acceptable (or at least much better defined) role of a "stay-at-home mom"?